To my dear wife,
a while ago at the markets i met a wonderful lady. she was buying organic garlic. the same garlic that i have been trying to tell you about. we have been meeting at the garlic vendor each market day for a few weeks.
so now i regret to tell you that i am leaving you for the garlic lover. i don't think you and i ever really had enough in common anyway. you will understand. you're a good woman. i think we could still be friends. but you need to get on with your own life, because i am in love with the garlic lover.
i will be keeping the dog. how can you expect me not to? i have had the poor mut so long now that i can't imagine giving it up.
it is for the best,
your (soon to be ex-) husband.